Taking a walk home after Yoga on Sunday I pass by this bridge with this sentence written on it: Nobody is going to live your life for you.
I got myself thinking about so many things that I always truly desired to do but never did, some examples: dancing, gymnastics, fights, bungee jump, getting good at skateboarding or simply go live in a beach in Bahia for some time. All this things I avoided doing just because of fear. Fear of not being good enough, shame which was basically fear of making a fool of myself in front of others, fear of regretting, or just the fear of trying something new or different.
In a way I spent a lot of my life living with fear. In early childhood I already had acquired many random ones like fear of the dark, death, heights, spirits, monsters, animals (like snakes, insects or even big dogs) or simply the fear of being left alone. I’m still trying to figure it out where some of this came from, but what is important is that fear was always very present in my life. During teenager times some of this fears were still present but add on the list the fears of being rejected, bullied, exposed to ridicule and fear of what people would be thinking of me, the last one specially. I guess I just cared too much about what people thought about me in general, that was the biggest reason why so many things I wanted to try in my life I didn’t. I was simply afraid of trying, failing and being laughed of. When you live with fear and shame is really hard to find the will power to go and do what you want, but once the years pass you just think… if only I have had the courage to try, the courage of failing and keep trying, the courage of making a fool of myself and really give zero fucks to what people are thinking.
Thank god we grow and we learn in the journey of life and once I realised that truly no one is gonna live my life for me, I stopped caring so much about other people and started caring more about myself and what I want to do. During this journey I already overcame most of my fears and I feel proud that everyday I manage to vanquish more. There is a will power growing inside me and helping me to achieve everything I want, I’m very thankful for that and I believe Yoga is the root of this major change in my life.
PS: To finish this post I just want to share a spontaneous moment of the day. This morning I went to Decathlon after my Yoga practice to check the price of a bike tube, but looking around I found the skate section. Its been a while that every time I’m on a sports shop those mini skates call my attention, and today was no different. There you can tried then and it was super fun and they were quite cheap. I notice that the one with my favourite colour was the cheapest so I took it as a sign, other sign was that in my wallet I had the exact amount of money needed. Normally I’m very careful with my shopping and I rarely buy things without thinking and planning, but today I said a big fuck to all, got the mini skate and after paying for it even took all the plastic around and went to the train station already riding my new toy (very awkwardly and slow). No fear of falling, no fear of making a fool of my self, no fear of what people in the street would think, no fear of being to old to have a skate, and last but not leaf no fear of spending without overthinking, the simply desire of wanting to skateboard and trying. It felt awesome, and I can’t wait to go tomorrow to the park to play around. Nobody is gonna learn how to skateboard for me, if I had the desire of doing this in the past but I didn’t, now is the time!